Money issues. Housemate issues. Headcold. Moved house.
Had to cancel on two really important social events today because of this headcold. I am currently laying in bed. With a roll of toilet paper next to me as I’ve run out of tissues. Strepsils, cold n flu tablets and a giant bottle of water at my side. Nose rubbed raw. Ears blocked. Feeling sexy.
I need this to be a fresh start for me. New house. New phone. New hair colour, new job. I think that feels like enough to be a fresh start. I want to lose this weight. For no-one but myself. I want to be proud of myself. I want to feel better, achieve more and stop feeling like I’m holding myself back.
So, knowing full well I’ll have slip ups, good days and bad, I want this to be the beginning of something excellent for myself. I want, more often than not, to make good choices. Be proud of myself. Work hard.
It wont be easy, but nothing that was good ever was.
I’m the kind of anxious, worked up person who stresses about everything.
Today, with a bit of reflection, I realised I’m stressing about my life being reasonably low-stress at the moment. I’m creating my own chaos because simple, easy and low stress is completely foreign me.
Mum’s advice: stop it. Start enjoying the ride. Life is easy right now, let it be.
Good advice, thanks Mum. Now I just need to put it into action.
I still can’t shake this building feeling that something is about to change. Or that something is missing, or something. Maybe that’s just a part of my own anxiety. I don’t know. But just in case something epic happens over the next few months - this is my ‘told you so’ post.
My thought for the day:
If my life was a basketball game…
The people on my team are my closest friends and family. They have my back. Always. I’m the captain though, and I call the shots.
My opposition teams are the obstacles in my life. Sometimes they’re easy to beat, sometimes it takes a bit of luck, sometimes it needs some bloody hard work. As my life feels pretty good right now I’d say we’re second on the ladder.
Lets say today we’re playing the top dogs, #1 on the ladder, definitely going to thrash us, no chance in hell, ‘may as well go home now’ team tonight. The team name? Weight loss.
We’ve lost to this team a hundred times. We’ve won a couple of games but instead of celebrating the wins we’ve written them off as flukes or assured ourselves their full team wasn’t there, or somehow justified that it will never happen again. So we continue to feel secondary to this damn team.
But today is a new game, a clean slate. History doesn’t even matter. All that matters is how we play today. We need to give this our best shot, until the very last minute, play like our life depended on it. And while even if we win, our thoughts may still wander to “oh it was luck” or other dismissive comments. If we beat them every day, over and over, we might… maybe just… start to see that we’ve been the stronger team all along. And once we start believing in ourselves… they don’t stand a chance.
Note to self: One game at a time. Because you can’t buy self-belief in a jar at the supermarket. You have to make it all by yourself.
Whyyyyy??! Do I have bursts of awesome, like two weeks of fitness and clean eating and no alcohol and positive midsets… closely followed by a week of shit eating?? It’s still a hell of a lot better than constant shit eating, but COME ON, I can do better than this.
Forgot my afternoon snack at work. This is my confession.
1 95g tin tuna
2 sesame corn thins
4 cherry tomatos
1/2 cup roasted sweet potato (and probably 2tbsp mayo)
250ml chocolate soy milk
1 melting moment cookie
Guessing abooout 800 calories. Not that I’m keeping super strict count of calories. But basically that little episode there cost me more than brekky and lunch combined. Must drink more water. Must not forget snacks at work.
So at the start of the week I started my new job. It has been a busy, overwhelming week of meeting new people and learning new systems and paperwork. And I’ve loved it. It has taught me the difference between good stress and bad stress and how I actually like a challenge in my workplace if it’s one that will make me a better allied health professional.
And for diet and exercise: back on track for the first time in months. I have the mindset that I will not be perfect, I will have days where the biscuits in the lunch room are irresistible. I will have days when I get takeaway, or have servings too big. But while I’m feeling strong I’m going to do everything I can to avoid those things. And suddenly the poor nutritional options weren’t so scary or powerful. Accepting that poor food choices will happen, and that it’s not a big deal if they do. That the world won’t end, I won’t instantly put on 10kg if I have some fries… that those options are ok to be taken when I REALLY want them… kinda made me want them less.
I guess I’ve always had a bit of a “If someone tells me not to do/have something I want it 10 times more” complex. I dont know why but if I get told not to push the button I can’t think of anything else I want to do except push the damn button. If mum tells me that I’ve had enough dessert I want to grab the entire apple pie and eat it while she’s sleeping… just to do what she told me not to. I’m pretty sure it’s a slight issue with authority… but I’ve always had it. I think in the same way whenever I told MYSELF not to eat something I’d want it 10 times more. So now that I’ve got the mindset of: eat it if you want, no biggie, but if you feel strong enough, walk away, save the poor food choices for times when you’re not feeling as strong, like social events or in some kind of emotional crisis, right now I’m feeling good and am capable of walking away and having something healthier. I applied the same principle to workouts “skip it if you want to. No biggie. It will just take you longer to get to your goal. No one will yell at you or punish you, you’re not a bad person for skipping it, whatever”. Now obviously I can’t go around eating whatever I want and never exercising and be like “yewww no biggie” if I actually want to lose weight, so taking some responsibility for healthy choices is important. But it’s the whole believing in yourself and knowing you’re strong enough to make those healthy choices 80-90% of the time that will get you where you want to go.
And the results? Four workouts. Five days of squeaky clean eating, (with the exception of one home made burger and fries with friends that I didn’t feel guilty for because (take home message) its not a big deal. One burger. A handfull of fries. Will not undo a week of good choices. So no punishing myself. Suddenly fast food and lazy days are not so powerful. Not so scary. Just a normal part of life that happen occasionally.
Oh and I’m down 2.3kg in less than a week.
Boom. Who would have thought stressing less about it all would make it easier? Loving life :)
Ps - for my own records here is a basic food list for my successful week:
Breakfast: yoghurt with toasted muesli. Boiled eggs. Banana protein smoothie.
Lunch: green bean, sweet potato, feta and marinated beef salad. Amatriciana (1/2 broccoli, 1/2 pasta), pumpkin sushi.
Dinner: toasted wraps with chicken cheese, spinach, chutney and avocado. Dumpling laksa. (Burger n chips).
Survived the first day in my new job (yewww *internet-five*)
MOVEMENT: 20 mins moderate cardio (x-trainer), 10 mins core/stretch
Probs shouldn’t have had the second wrap… hmpf. Baby steps right?
GAME PLAN: Drink more water. Oh and no eating after 8pm. I sleep better on an empty tummy.
Also, must have more snacks, as by the time I got home I would have inhaled the fridge itself if I could, the leftover cheese snack things managed to calm the nerves till dinner was ready but I don’t like feeling out of control like that. And cheese snacks are not ideal.
Shower and sleeeeep time xx
Tomorrow is day one of my new job. I’ve had the most amazing adventures over the last month and feel fantastic. But I’ve not been eating well or exercising enough. Tomorrow I want to get back on track. Here are my current thoughts on diet/exercise.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that maintaining a healthy lifestyle is not about perfection in diet and exercise. It’s about not punishing yourself for a bad day/week/month, but accepting that it has happened, accepting that there is nothing that will un-do the poor diet/exercise choices of the past… but you CAN control the present, and the future, so focus on that. Be proud of yourself for the little wins, and keep your focus on loving life. Life is way too short to constantly be punishing yourself over the muffin you had with morning tea or counting calories or being miserable on some fad diet consisting of nothing but celery juice. Eat more fruit and veg, less deep fried/processed/high fat/high sugar food. And also find ways to love life that don’t involve food. Go karting. Walks on the beach. Laser tag. Walk the dog. Go for a swim. Hike. Explore. Run. Do a gym class with a friend. Go shopping. Anything. Just enjoy it :)
Now if I can only learn to follow my own advice, I’m set :)